Why Cynthia McKinney Slugged the Capitol Cop

Earlier this week, Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, D-Ga., got into her 5th documented altercation with U.S. Capitol Police as she struck a Capitol Police officer when he tried to stop her after she bypassed the metal detector at the entrance to the Longworth House Office Building without wearing the Member of Congress lapel pin that congressmen are supposed to wear.

While the McKinney camp had previously cited claims of racism, her real reason for refusing to wear the identifying lapel pin was given today.

Today, Congresswoman McKinney revealed that she has refused to wear her congressional lapel pin because of a massive conspiracy among Republican insiders to spy on the conversations and even unspoken thoughts of ever member of the House of Representatives.

In 1996, then House Majority Whip Tom DeLay held a secret series of meetings with G. Gordon Liddy, Jack Abramoff, then Halliburton CEO Dick Cheney, and the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover, to develop a high-tech Member of Congress lapel pin that would include a secret microphone, spy camera, and telepathic mind-reader that could see, hear, and transmit every sight and sound seen or heard by each Member of Congress and the unspoken thoughts of each Member.

Within the year, Halliburton developed one regular Member of Congress lapel pin for DeLay and 434 special pins for the other members that included the new spy technology. To collect and analyze the intelligence, the group established the Center for Advanced Telepathic Studies. CATS was endowed by $10 million donated by a variety of Indian casinos represented by Mr. Abramoff. CATS established its headquarters at a posh beachside mansion in Miami, Florida, and from there, spied on every member of the House of Representatives except DeLay who wore his or her congressional lapel pin. Cheney, Liddy, and Hoover's ghost supervised the espionage activities from undisclosed locations.

In 2001, the CATS operation rose to a new level as Cheney became Vice President and DeLay rose to House Majority Leader. Between 1996 and 2001, CATS acquired a comprehensive knowledge of inner workings of the minds of almost every member of the House of Representatives. With Cheney in the White House and DeLay effectively in charge of the House, CATS was poised to take over the world.

In the days after 9-11, as Congresswoman McKinney was uncovering evidence that the Jews knew about the attack in advance, she made an even more startling find. Although McKinney had not yet begun to publicly discuss her findings, she discovered that DeLay and the White House had become aware of her work.

To prevent McKinney from heroically revealing the pre-9/11 coverup, CATS sprang into action. In no time, CATS was in action, portraying the coverup conspiracy as nonsense and McKinney as a lunatic for believing in it. CATS succeeded: DeLay secretly recruited a Democrat, state court judge Denise Majette, to run against McKinney in the 2002 primary election. CATS and their underground network of supporters bankrolled the Majette campaign and succeeded in hoodwinking McKinney's Democratic constituents into defeating her in the 2002 primary election.

However, this victory would be short-lived: in 2004, Majette unsuccessfully sought election to the U.S. Senate, leaving an opening for McKinney to return to the halls of Congress and resume her quest to reveal the truth. In January 2005, McKinney triumphantly returned to Capitol Hill, determined more than ever to expose both the 9/11 coverup and the massive CATS conspiracy.

To stop McKinney, CATS was determined to regain access to her thoughts. They were determined to make her wear her special lapel pin once and for all. To that end, Jack Abramoff called in a favor with his good friend Bob Ney, then the Chairman of the House Administration Committee, and got Capitol Police to begin harassing McKinney every time she failed to wear her special lapel pin.

So, folks, that's why when Cynthia McKinney tried to enter the Longworth building this week without her lapel pin, she had no choice other than to attack the cop.

Have a happy April Fool's Day!

The 1st Annual Senate Awards

It's been a long 13 days since I've had something meaningful to post, so I'll let you see the 1st Annual Senate Awards courtesy of Will Stewart.

Comments:

• Unger will not be returning for an encore next year.
• Kessler will have the good fortune of not having to face his constituency this year but will most certainly find a smaller supporting cast as those of many of his colleagues vote their displeasure with this year's performance.
• If, as I predict, the voters of this state make their displeasure known on November 7, Governor Joe will be without the mother of all rubber stamps and will instead have to make real decisions as to whether to sign or veto (and be overridden on) real, substantive bills to do things like abolish the food tax and impose tough, mandatory prison sentences for all rapists and child molesters.
• The remaining members of the Ruling Party will find in their first year in the minority that their minority status will not prevent votes on their bills: we will gladly entertain next year's incarnation of SB 674. 18 of the 21 Democratic senators cosponsored this bill but all voted against discharging it from the Finance Committee--whose chairman, Walt Helmick, D-Pocahontas, was among the bill's cosponsors--after Helmick refused to consider the bill in his committee.